So I did it, and maybe someday it'll turn out all right. In the meantime, I think I've lost a friend, and I feel terrible. I'm hurt and sad, and wish God wouldn't just leave me hanging here, feeling this way. I guess I need to give it time. Maybe a lot of time. I'm not the most patient person, so giving this time sucks! I guess I don't have all that much faith, if I'm questioning this. I did step out in faith, and now that I did I don't have the faith that this will turn out OK.

Hebrews 11 is my fav chapter in the Bible. I really love how so many from the old testament show up as having walked simply by their faith. They followed what God was asking. I tend to argue with God. No, you really don't want me to do that. How dumb is that? Do I honestly think God doesn't know what God wants or that *I* can change his mind? Yeah right. Why can't I just step out in faith a little more and do what it is that is asked of me? Why do I keep arguing, keep exerting MY will over HIS? I'm learning, it's a slow process, but I'm learning.

Right now God's asking me to do something that makes no sense to most people. Anyone I would dare tell would tell me I'm an idiot for trying this. I attempted to argue with God, but he wasn't having any of it. Maybe someday someone will say By faith, Beth did what she was told and that has made all the difference.

Well things with the house are finally slowly moving along. The plans are with the village. Hopefully they'll get things going as quickly as possible. The builder said he can build it quickly. I may actually at some point before the snow falls see that my house is actually being built. I might have hope of having a house before Emma graduates college.

Guys and video games. I mean they yell and scream and swear a blue streak while playing them and then call them relaxing? Things that get me that frustrated are usually the things that send me looking for ways to relax. Give me a glass of wine, a good friend to talk to and I'm relaxed. Give me a bubble bath. Give me a nap. Those are relaxing. Heck even give me a exercise. Yelling and screaming at a game... nope!

So today's headlines show that Tom and Katie's baby has yet to be seen in public and what does that mean? Is there really a baby? Oh please! First of all I hadn't even noticed that the baby hadn't been seen in public, nor had I thought of Tom and Katie at all till I saw the newspaper today. This is news? Don't we have more important issues to deal with? North Korea? India? Soldiers raping women? The war? I guess I don't get why celebrities are so interesting. I don't get why we need to stalk their every move. When the fact that some celebrity had Starbucks this morning is news, boy what a sad, scary world we live in.