So we can finally finally move into our new house! This incredible 1 year and 9 month journey is almost over. We started moving stuff into the new house today. We're doing the big move next weekend. I can't believe this is almost over. I kept thinking this was just a dream that would always be just out of reach. Now the end really is in sight! I'll have my own home once again! I'll be able to get organized. I'll have an awesome kitchen and can cook! So many things to do this week, add work, council meeting, and Midwest Ministry exam and I'm going to be stressed, but it's over! This is good stress.

Another thing that kicked my butt recently is another podcast from Rockharbor. There was a quote which I've never heard. It's "you judge others by their actions. You judge yourself by your intentions." Whoa! Yep, I sure have been guilty of that. I never really thought about it, but now that I have I know something that needs to change, on both levels. I need to look more closely at my actions and what those reveal to others. I need to think of the intent behind others' actions a little more than I do. Might make relationships smoother. Gotta think about this a little more.

Listening to friends and looking at my own church this question comes to mind. I've been part of discussions about being called out for wearing jeans to church or leading worship barefoot or where furniture is placed or spending a good portion of a council meeting discussing property issues. Why are these things more important than following God's call? Where is God in this? What does He think of all this? I can see Jesus walking in barefoot and ripping off the new $20,000 doors, getting dirt on the new carpet. I can see Jesus telling us we're all just Pharisees. I can see Jesus being completely disgusted with what's been done in His name and "for his glory". We're not doing it for His glory. We're doing these things for those in the pews and to steal the sheep from the flock down the road.

Church needs to get back to what's important, what our call as congregations is: the Great Commission. Let's stop worrying about the pointless things and take care of the homeless, the hurting, the broken, the lost in our communities and in the world. Church isn't a building. It's not for the comfort of those who already sit in the pews. We aren't here to build "attractive" programs to draw people. We're not here to back stab, to fight, to pick on, to make life difficult for others. We're here to GO out into the world and make disciples. No wonder the word Christian has such a bad connotation.

God sure convicted me this week. I was listening to a podcast from Mike Erre at Rockharbor church. I love him. Anyway he was talking about when the deepest desire of your heart is making a name for yourself. I thought "Oh I don't do that." That wasn't the answer I heard in my mind. It was "No Beth you do that." No I don't. Then examples came to mind. How many times have I wanted someone to someday realize that I had a part in their spiritual development. How many times have I said, "If I don't do it, no one else will." That's putting my name before God's. How many times have I wanted to be recognized for what I'd done? Yep, I'm guilty. I never looked at it that way. I never thought that was what I was doing. I never saw it as sin. I thought I was helping others, but I wasn't. I was too focused on ME and not focused enough on God. I'm thankful that my sentence has been paid in full. I'm learning as I go, making mistakes, admitting them when I get smacked in the head with them, and growing. It's the best I can do.

Why is it that ministry leads to hurt feelings, people feeling left out, anger, fights for control, etc? I'd like to believe that ministry is healthy as a job, but so far I've not seen too much to show me that's true. I'm tired of hearing of dysfunction, seeing it happen, and living it. I understand that imperfect people all with ownership issues don't make for a healthy crowd, but there has to be somewhere that ministry functions as it should. There have to be some people out there who do ministry for the glory of God alone. There has to be somewhere that egos are set aside. I want to be in a community of love and transformation. I know I'm asking a lot. I'm just sick of hurting and watching others hurt at the hands of those who are supposedly fellow ministers and fellow Christians. Is this too much to ask? Is it? I'm starting to think it is.