What is it I truly desire? A friend asked me that question. It can be a valid question, but it can also be about simple wants. Right now I truly desire joy in the Lord and joyful worship. I desire to feel settled in my new home. It's getting there. I desire time to devote to God every day. I'm working on that. I desire to make the most of that time and be truly present to God. I desire to be the type of wife my husband needs. I think that's a good start answering that question. I'll bet there are some not quite as healthy things I truly desire, but I'll have to think on that some more.

Still haven't been missed at church. Interesting I was even at a meeting there and not one person said anything about not seeing me lately. Yep we do such a good job of making people feel welcome. It seems to be about getting people to be members and then the heck with them once they are. What a sad way to do ministry.

The 9th graders who are about to be confirmed read their faith statements for the council the other night. All I can say in public is that listening to what they believe made me realize that I am theologically in the wrong place. I also wonder if having the kids read those to the council really doesn't do much more than give the council a reason to pat themselves on the back. Maybe I'm just entirely too cynical.

I've learned so much about the power of prayer in the last week. It's been so incredible to see things flesh out as the result of prayer. More on that later if I can put it into words. At this point I'm not sure I can.

I worked with two college girls yesterday and they totally blessed me as they say I blessed them. It was completely mutual and completely God inspired. It was so cool to see God working through us. I miss that in my life lately. Then I had my first meeting with a spiritual director. Wow that was so amazing. God showed up there too. He has blessed me with this woman in my life and I gained so much insight from one hour of time. I love how God moves when you invite him to!

If we truly are the body of Christ then why is it that churches seem to have detached limbs? How come I haven't been to church and no one notices? Heck I'm on the church council! If I'm treated like this what are others who aren't involved treated like? It makes me so sad to think that no one in my church cares enough to recognize that someone has been missing and reaches out to say so.

My daughter goes to a youth group at another church as well as ours. She hasn't been there once this year and they sent her a note written by several kids asking her to come back. She doesn't go to that church and yet they noticed that she hasn't been at youth. They noticed enough to send her a note inviting her back.

I guess I lied. People have noticed I haven't been there, but not one person has said anything. I know they've noticed cause our pastor told our youth director he should invite my daughters back to church. I wonder what would happen if the pastor himself invited them. I wonder how much more it would mean to them to have the pastor notice their absence. This could be an interesting experiment. Hmmmm

So we moved into our home. It's incredibly weird to live in the same place and the surroundings are familiar except the other new house directly across the street, but the house itself has very little that's familiar. It's been interesting getting used to this new life. Maybe as I unpack more it will start feeling more familiar.

As for moving on... is it time? Is NOW the time? I thought I'd wait things out till the end of the year, but a few things seem to be leading me away now. I'm not sure what to do and if these leadings are from God. I'm starting spiritual direction tomorrow so maybe that will help clear up these muddy waters. Part of me is so ready to move on and be free of that which is tormenting me and holding me back spiritually, but another part of me sees a commitment I made and feels the need to see that commitment through. I'm struggling with this right now.